and so it begins

it's no secret that i fell off the fitness wagon somewhere amid the debilitating depression that i experienced during college. it's also no secret that i try my hardest to live an honest, healthy, full and balanced life. that said, when it comes to making and keeping a commitment to myself around physical activity, i'm getting nowhere, fast.

many of my close friends, colleagues and mentors are runners. for so many years they've talked about what a "release" it is, how much it helps them mentally in addition to the physical benefits. and for all those years, i've thought they were nuts! as a high school athlete i loved being part of a team, i loved the exercise and practicing my craft. i hated, hated the running. it was inevitable at each practice, those long, hard "scenics," as coaches commonly referred to them. playing recreational soccer for several years was also a joy. i liked playing hard, i liked getting dirty, but damn, if i didn't hate that running! finding the position of goalie was FANTASTIC not just because i played my best in it, but because i didn't have to RUN as much. (pathetic, i know.)

fast-forward to 2010, at the beginning of which (four, almost five months ago) i turned 30. thirty seemed like quite a milestone. i was finally out of my "turbulent twenties," into the next awesome decade of my life. a bona-fide, true-blue grown-up. although i anticipated my "dirty thirty" and all that it would bring with it, i felt a little bittersweet. i wasn't where i thought i would be (even though my friends were - tying the knot and making babies). i had to re-think that image of myself, working hard to bust out of the social construct of what a successful 30-year-old woman is, and achieve my own milestones and goals. i've got an advanced degree. my career is on track. i'm making plans to buy a house next year. i'm not stagnant, but i want to keep moving forward, keep growing and achieving.

one of the things i really and truly want most is to reclaim the physical health that i took for granted in my youth (don't you love how i say "my youth" like it was so long ago?). i also want to do something huge, something that i never thought i could do. in my 30th year i want to take on my biggest challenge yet, face my own self-doubt. so i decided that finally, i would stare my arch-nemesis straight in the face and kick it's ass... i'm gonna RUN!

in taking on this challenge, i realize that it is going to take some MAJOR accountability. it has to be about something more than me. some greater goal, something bigger and more meaningful. not to say that doing something for oneself is not a good enough reason, it is a perfect reason. i just want that extra motivation. one day while talking with one of the AmeriCorps*VISTAs that i supervise, she told me about this program called "Team In Training" (TNT), a fundraising program for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society that doubles as a training program for marathons, half marathons, triathlons and century rides.

and here the story pauses.

right around this same time, my aunt nancy was diagnosed with breast cancer. holy crap, someone in my family has breast cancer. that pink ribbon always meant something to me. i've participated in komen's race for the cure nearly every year for as long as i can remember, i donate to breast cancer research and pay the extra few cents to get the breast cancer awareness stamps at the post office. but HEL-LO, people. my aunt has breast cancer. aggressive breast cancer. all of the sudden cancer has a face, and it looks entirely too much like my sweet, endearingly-ditzy, fourth-of-july-loving aunt nancy.

now, let the story resume.

after a few months of serious contemplation, fear, self-doubt, self-loathing over said self-doubt, and a LOT of talking about it to family and friends, i've decided that i am going to commit to TNT. i am going to join a team, begin a workout and training plan, raise a $#it-ton of money, kick some cancer butt and run my first half marathon. i have decided to finally commit to myself to myself, and to a huge cause. i am going to man-handle this largest, most overwhelming challenge yet. if my aunt can whoop cancer (which, by the way, she currently is, like the rockstar we all know and love), i can easily train to run 13.1 and raise thirty benjamins (yes that's right, $3,000) to help find a cure.

i keep a journal but i felt compelled to share this special project with my family and friends, so i've decided to blog it. i want to document this monumental commitment publicly, as yet another form of accountability AND as a tribute to my aunt.

i can't wait to begin my formal training on may 8. i'll go to folsom college, meet my team and celebrate the beginning of this journey with the first of many hundreds of thousands of steps. i hope you'll all join me - if only in cyberspace - i'm going to need the support!

besos,
liz