i amazed myself on thursday morning. like many, many, many days before, my alarm went off at 6am, jolting me awake from a restful slumber and urging me to roll out of my cozy covers and into some running shoes. UNlike many, many, many days before, i actually did it! and for the first time, it wasn't even hard. i didn't think twice or consider ways to justify staying in bed. i got my @$$ out of bed and did a nice, quick (quick is relative here, people) 3.5 miles. it was awesome, and i think i know why it was so easy this time around. let me explain...
the kindness and compassion and goodwill of the people in my life never ceases to amaze me, and that's just on a normal day. but really, i'm increasingly inspired by the positive energy coming at me from the most unlikely suspects (for example, people i don't yet even know). seriously, today i received a donation from someone i've never even met! and i have received support from people that i never even would have thought to ask for it - a high school friend i haven't spoken to in years, a grad school colleague i didn't even know until after grad school, a school nurse that my program at work has teamed up with... and those are just the cash donations! a friend has made me my own personalized nike women's marathon t-shirt, with my "go.run.liz." slogan on it. other friends are asking about my training when we chat, texting me on training days with an encouraging word. my family members are sending me sweet emails and providing advice from their "good ol' days of running."
the positive energy of good people abounds. and it is literally pushing me forward into this journey. it is amazing. this is becoming about so much more than a huge physical and mental challenge for myself. it feels incredible and i am determined to be present in every moment of it!
i knew this endeavor might change my waistline... but it never occurred to me that it could potentially strengthen my soul.
5.16.2010
one week in!
one week ago yesterday, i attended my TNT kickoff. this week i met my coaches, mentors and teammates; attended my first wednesday and saturday workouts; received my first two donations - $50 total - 2% there; and did 12 total miles of walking.
when you put it in words, it doesn't seem like much. 12 miles in a week sounds so measely compared to the 13.1 miles i'll be walking in october in just a few hours. it certainly doesn't sound like enough to make me feel the way i do. my shins have never been so consistently on fire, my back never quite so tight. 12 miles of walking in one week doesn't seem like it would make me feel so challenged, and make me realize how really out of shape i've let myself get (tear).
this was an awesome twelve miles, though! i learned proper walking technique. i saw parts of the Sacramento River that i've never seen before. i met new people. i ached. i second-guessed myself. i finished one week of training. YES! i am twelve miles closer to a half-marathon! it still doesn't feel real; it doesn't feel like something i'm really going to do, and when i begin to get overwhelmed i remind myself that i must focus on THIS day. THIS mile. THIS step. THIS breath. it is amazing. it is a privilege. the muscle pains and shin splints are nothing compared to how alive and vibrant i've felt this week. the self-doubt is overshadowed by pride. i've committed to myself and to other people - cancer patients and survivors - and i've kept my commitment. i am keeping my commitment and i know i can do it!
next week promises to be more physically challenging. and, given my shape, that means that it will inevitably be more mentally and emotionally challenging as well. and i can't wait! i can't wait for tuesday (tomorrow is a "day off"), so i can practice the new techniques sherri taught us, and add to the number of miles under my belt (okay on my shoes - no belt on the track)!
thank you so much for your support; specifically melissa, lisa, alli, candice, linda, kris, mom and johnny, all of whom have either a) listened to me drone on endlessly about this; b) said something really, really encouraging that helped me push; and/or c) supported me with a little cash donation, wink wink.
besos!
liz
when you put it in words, it doesn't seem like much. 12 miles in a week sounds so measely compared to the 13.1 miles i'll be walking in october in just a few hours. it certainly doesn't sound like enough to make me feel the way i do. my shins have never been so consistently on fire, my back never quite so tight. 12 miles of walking in one week doesn't seem like it would make me feel so challenged, and make me realize how really out of shape i've let myself get (tear).
this was an awesome twelve miles, though! i learned proper walking technique. i saw parts of the Sacramento River that i've never seen before. i met new people. i ached. i second-guessed myself. i finished one week of training. YES! i am twelve miles closer to a half-marathon! it still doesn't feel real; it doesn't feel like something i'm really going to do, and when i begin to get overwhelmed i remind myself that i must focus on THIS day. THIS mile. THIS step. THIS breath. it is amazing. it is a privilege. the muscle pains and shin splints are nothing compared to how alive and vibrant i've felt this week. the self-doubt is overshadowed by pride. i've committed to myself and to other people - cancer patients and survivors - and i've kept my commitment. i am keeping my commitment and i know i can do it!
next week promises to be more physically challenging. and, given my shape, that means that it will inevitably be more mentally and emotionally challenging as well. and i can't wait! i can't wait for tuesday (tomorrow is a "day off"), so i can practice the new techniques sherri taught us, and add to the number of miles under my belt (okay on my shoes - no belt on the track)!
thank you so much for your support; specifically melissa, lisa, alli, candice, linda, kris, mom and johnny, all of whom have either a) listened to me drone on endlessly about this; b) said something really, really encouraging that helped me push; and/or c) supported me with a little cash donation, wink wink.
besos!
liz
5.11.2010
a week of tnt firsts!
so, saturday's kickoff celebration was great. it really was. i got to hear some amazing stories from experienced tnt'ers, including one who joined tnt in the late eighties with absolutely no idea that she would be diagnosed with cancer ten years later. she was so inspiring!
truthfully, though, it was quite intimidating at first. i arrived and people were all clad in their ultra-hip running gear, with washboard abs and bulging biceps. there were a few people there who were a bit, um, thicker, like me, but for the most part i was milling around by myself, in the middle of a sea of uber-fit mother/daughter, husband/wife, bff pairs. i was fine by myself, i was fine with my body, but mixing those with a whole bunch of exactly the opposite, and a bit of anxiety about the enormous commitment i've just made, was a recipe for some serious discomfort.
as we all gathered into the lecture room (it was at folsom lake college), i texted mel and told her i was overwhelmed and feeling like a very out-of-place blob of hopelessness and, yes, fat. she immediately texted me back to "STOP!" and told me i was doing this, and wasn't allowed to doubt or compare myself to others. one does not mess with miss brown, wink wink. so there i sat. and i just listened. and i remembered all over again why i was so passionate about joining tnt in the first place - it's about something so much bigger than me! it's about a challenge so much greater than any of my challenges!
after the speakers, we divided up into our "teams". i think mine is the biggest, because it is the sacramento run/walk team (the others were placer run/walk, sac/placer triathlon and sac/placer century ride). there were probably 60-70 people there. maybe even 100. honestly, i have no clue because i'm not good at guessing numbers. there were a lot. we went, one-by-one, introducing ourselves and talking about why we joined tnt. serendipitously, i was in the back row, so i got to hear a lot of people talk before it was my turn. i say that was serendipitous because i needed to hear so many people say that they were there for so many of the same reasons i was there. so many people in awe of the opportunity to contribute to a cause. so many people with loved ones impacted by cancer. so many people wanting to get in shape (even if a number of them were new moms in size six spandex).
i got my training schedule for may, a handbook, a tnt water bottle, a tnt chapstick, and was on my way. i felt better, more confident, stronger, ready.
fast forward to today. this evening, actually. i received an email that i got my first donation! that's right, people my first $25! and i haven't even asked (okay formally asked) anyone yet! call me crazy but i believe that this is the universe telling me that i should be doing this! that i am supported and that i can do it! first donation! sweet! i'm 1% of the way there! yes!
so, to recap, my first tnt kickoff, my first tnt donation, and, tomorrow, my highly-anticipated first tnt team workout! 6pm, four miles at glenn hall park. woo hoo! wish me luck!
besos,
liz
truthfully, though, it was quite intimidating at first. i arrived and people were all clad in their ultra-hip running gear, with washboard abs and bulging biceps. there were a few people there who were a bit, um, thicker, like me, but for the most part i was milling around by myself, in the middle of a sea of uber-fit mother/daughter, husband/wife, bff pairs. i was fine by myself, i was fine with my body, but mixing those with a whole bunch of exactly the opposite, and a bit of anxiety about the enormous commitment i've just made, was a recipe for some serious discomfort.
as we all gathered into the lecture room (it was at folsom lake college), i texted mel and told her i was overwhelmed and feeling like a very out-of-place blob of hopelessness and, yes, fat. she immediately texted me back to "STOP!" and told me i was doing this, and wasn't allowed to doubt or compare myself to others. one does not mess with miss brown, wink wink. so there i sat. and i just listened. and i remembered all over again why i was so passionate about joining tnt in the first place - it's about something so much bigger than me! it's about a challenge so much greater than any of my challenges!
after the speakers, we divided up into our "teams". i think mine is the biggest, because it is the sacramento run/walk team (the others were placer run/walk, sac/placer triathlon and sac/placer century ride). there were probably 60-70 people there. maybe even 100. honestly, i have no clue because i'm not good at guessing numbers. there were a lot. we went, one-by-one, introducing ourselves and talking about why we joined tnt. serendipitously, i was in the back row, so i got to hear a lot of people talk before it was my turn. i say that was serendipitous because i needed to hear so many people say that they were there for so many of the same reasons i was there. so many people in awe of the opportunity to contribute to a cause. so many people with loved ones impacted by cancer. so many people wanting to get in shape (even if a number of them were new moms in size six spandex).
i got my training schedule for may, a handbook, a tnt water bottle, a tnt chapstick, and was on my way. i felt better, more confident, stronger, ready.
fast forward to today. this evening, actually. i received an email that i got my first donation! that's right, people my first $25! and i haven't even asked (okay formally asked) anyone yet! call me crazy but i believe that this is the universe telling me that i should be doing this! that i am supported and that i can do it! first donation! sweet! i'm 1% of the way there! yes!
so, to recap, my first tnt kickoff, my first tnt donation, and, tomorrow, my highly-anticipated first tnt team workout! 6pm, four miles at glenn hall park. woo hoo! wish me luck!
besos,
liz
5.07.2010
the journey begins tomorrow!
in about twelve hours i will gather with x number of new and old tnt (that's short for "team in training" - plan to see a lot of those three letters in the coming months) members at folsom college for the fall 2010 kickoff. and my first tnt workout. i'll meet my teammates, my coach, and hopefully get some more details about training responsibilities (outside of wed/sat workouts), and fundraising activities. woah. this is very real. i'm a little scared and a LOT excited!
the reality of raising $2,500 in the next five months is setting in, and kind of freaking me out. oh and the reality that i have approximately 20 weeks to prepare my body to walk up and down 13.1 miles of hilly san francisco, is also looming. i have been walking two or three miles twice or three times per week. and today i decided i would ride my *new* bike to work (2.5 miles), to a meeting (3 miles) and home from the meeting (1.3 miles). for those of you keeping track, that's biking barely half of this half-marathon i've committed to myself. and in case you weren't paying attention, i didn't run that, i didn't even walk that, i biked that. and my quads are not happy. this does not give me a lot of confidence at the moment.
but i just have to keep telling myself that i can do it. even if i don't believe that i really can at the moment (i'm pretty on the fence), i have to keep saying it over and over. it's the ultimate fake-it-til-you-make-it situation. i've got to fake the faith in myself until i have practiced and worked enough to know i can do it. whew. this is new for me. not the physical activity - there was a time in my life where i was active. not the challenge, either. but the self-doubt. i'm slowly realizing that i've never really taken on any challenge that i wasn't positive i could finish, and finish successfully, at that. this is new territory and it is uncomfortable. but uncomfortable in a good way, if you can believe that. it's actually exciting. and daunting. could i be any more contradictory? isn't it obnoxious to read all of these oxymorons i'm spewing? yeah, well, WELCOME TO MY BRAIN these days!
whew. okay. i need to hydrate. all this stressing is making me thirsty. and then i need to get some sleep. because, after my tnt kickoff and first work out, i'm going to pick up two of my smalles fans (jessalyn and michael) for a long walk at the UC Davis Arboretum, some mother's day crafting and a sleepover - long, long night guaranteed. i won't be able to blog about the event until sunday or monday, but that's probably a good thing because it will have time to "marinate" in this overactive mind of mine, and maybe i'll make some sense. or at least more sense than i've made in this entry (wink wink).
besos,
liz
the reality of raising $2,500 in the next five months is setting in, and kind of freaking me out. oh and the reality that i have approximately 20 weeks to prepare my body to walk up and down 13.1 miles of hilly san francisco, is also looming. i have been walking two or three miles twice or three times per week. and today i decided i would ride my *new* bike to work (2.5 miles), to a meeting (3 miles) and home from the meeting (1.3 miles). for those of you keeping track, that's biking barely half of this half-marathon i've committed to myself. and in case you weren't paying attention, i didn't run that, i didn't even walk that, i biked that. and my quads are not happy. this does not give me a lot of confidence at the moment.
but i just have to keep telling myself that i can do it. even if i don't believe that i really can at the moment (i'm pretty on the fence), i have to keep saying it over and over. it's the ultimate fake-it-til-you-make-it situation. i've got to fake the faith in myself until i have practiced and worked enough to know i can do it. whew. this is new for me. not the physical activity - there was a time in my life where i was active. not the challenge, either. but the self-doubt. i'm slowly realizing that i've never really taken on any challenge that i wasn't positive i could finish, and finish successfully, at that. this is new territory and it is uncomfortable. but uncomfortable in a good way, if you can believe that. it's actually exciting. and daunting. could i be any more contradictory? isn't it obnoxious to read all of these oxymorons i'm spewing? yeah, well, WELCOME TO MY BRAIN these days!
whew. okay. i need to hydrate. all this stressing is making me thirsty. and then i need to get some sleep. because, after my tnt kickoff and first work out, i'm going to pick up two of my smalles fans (jessalyn and michael) for a long walk at the UC Davis Arboretum, some mother's day crafting and a sleepover - long, long night guaranteed. i won't be able to blog about the event until sunday or monday, but that's probably a good thing because it will have time to "marinate" in this overactive mind of mine, and maybe i'll make some sense. or at least more sense than i've made in this entry (wink wink).
besos,
liz
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